Wednesday, January 20, 2010

homo evoooohhh my god I have a pwner

I try and keep all the content on this blog original (aside from a few photos), but yesterday I was blown away by this video of Juan Enriquez, one of the brightest economic and scientific minds in the world, sharing his ideas on the current economic situation and the next step for the human race: Homo Evolutis...BE WARNED: this will pwn your mind:





Now I hope most of you reacted to this with the appropriate response as demonstrated below:



To those of you who may have certain ideological, moral, or medieval religious apprehensions or concerns about the above video, I just ask you to hear me out...25-50 years from now...when I have infrared, x-ray, sniper rifle laser eyes...can have a conversation with a dog and/or whale...have robotic, rocket-powerd antelope legs...and a magnetic, pulse-emitting, wiener...you will look something like this:




Don't be caveman Johnny. Embrace Homo Evolutis.


Read more on the lecture HERE.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

SpankadinL33T

Chapter 3: The Lady of the Inn

The screen was dead. The iridescent glow of the monitor was a dead black; the machine next to it sat ticking idly, like a car engine cooling down in the garage; his microphone—mute. He had traversed through the pits of the Undercity, passed the murky waters of Blackfathom Depths, and rid the Black Temple of its demon occupation, but never before had he see a darkness so pure, so absolute, so horrifying as the one he was staring into at that moment.




He blinked. And again. And again and all at once the reality of his bedroom crashed his mind like a brick though a window, knocking him out of his chair and onto a pile half-eaten cheese puff and potato chip bags.

“Ughhhh…what in Bronzebeard’s boots is going on?” Spank looked around his room to find The Lady of the Inn clutching the unplugged surge protector like a mother protecting her infant.

The Lady stood staring at her son—realizing right away that his fantasy-driven delusions had returned—And from the look of his pallid, cheese poof caked and mustard stained body, worse than ever, “Timothy?...It’s—”

“Mah lady, I respect your concern over the welfare of all those who dwell in your abode, but please hand over the surge protector, else you beith pwnd. And how many times must I tell you?—I know not of this sultry ‘Timothy’ character you speak. The name’s SpankadinL33T. Spank for short. It is known across all of Azeroth and you, my lady, have just denied me a great prize. A denial I will not soon forget.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? Listen—it’s too late for this crap. I have work in the morning. I’m calling Dr. Erbag to set up and appointment first thing tomorrow. Have your phone on.”



Just lost his WoW account.

“I have no need to see that gnomish donkeyfart. My inventory has a strong supply of health potions, and frostweave bandages. It’s just being excessive.”

The Lady of the Inn shook her head, “Not an option. I have half a mind to take you to the hospital right now.”

Spank eyed her suspiciously. Despite his delusions he knew The Lady had her limits, and in this instance she was not bluffing. Besides, it would be easier to dodge that nitwit Dr. Erbag tomorrow, than to fight with his intrusive keeper tonight. Slowly he spoke, “Very well then, my fair Lady of the Inn, you may head back to your chamber…for I am weary from battle, and long for sleep to wash over me.”

“…So no more elf game for tonight?...and doctor tomorrow?”

His eye twitched at the phrase “elf game” but he agreed, “Yes no more World of Warcraft tonight and I will see this ‘doctor’ of yours on the morrow.”

“Ok. Then go to sleep…we will get this all sorted out tomorrow,” she said, then hesitantly, “love you.”

The Lady dropped the surge protector and Spank rolled out of his trash pile and onto his bed—he could hear the worry in her voice and he felt something tighten inside of him, “I love you too…meh lady.”

She flicked off the light switch, walked out of his room and closed the door behind her He could hear her footsteps down the hall and her bedroom door shut. Silence. He rolled over in bed and shut his eyes, sleep taking him within moments. The night’s episode had ended in darkness, but not all was lost… Spank would live to fight another day.



Andrew Mausert-Mooney; circa 1987

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

SpankadinL33T

Chapter 2: Light and Dark


SpankadinL33t led the charge, his guild, IhasApwner, followed suit. Kel-Thuzad hovered just yards away. Almost in range…Seconds from judgment…time to send this foul beast back to the shadow…if my epic helm drops off this n00bus I’m gonna shit myself, thought Spank. He attacked. No effect. He primed his Judgement of Light and released it with all the holy power he could muster. Nothing. What is this new devilry?

Kel-Thuzad lingered in mid air, unfazed, “MINIONS SUMMONS. SOLDIERS OF THE COLD DARK, OBEY THE CALL OF KEL-THUZAD.”




“Fall back to the center! Back to back! He’s summoning his minions!” Spank cried to his guild. From the Darkness a myriad of Abominations and Banshees appeared, their evil stink filling the great hall of death.

“Melee DPS, on the Abominations! Ranged, take out those goddamn Banshees!” ordered Spank.

Wave after wave of undead met IhasApwner, only to fall at their feet. Fireballs, curses, and shadowbolts flew through the air. MooovinHealz sent a lighting strike of healing light through the guild. Spank let loose a medley of judgment, exorcism, holy wrath, and consecration attacks. His DPS was pushing 3k. L33t. Soon enough, the waves became less and less, till only a few scattered undead remained.  Is this it? Is this all you can muster, foul necromancer of the Lich? It was then, that Kel-Thuzad struck.

“YOUR SOUL IS BOUND TO ME NOW. THERE WILL BE NO ESCAPE.”

KT fired a frost bolt. An orc fury warrior froze in his steps, his swinging battle axes and bloodlust scarred face sat absurdly still behind a foot of Lich ice. His health drained too fast to heal. He was dead.

“DPS down! DPS down! Healers, focus heals on the ice-blocked target! Come on boys, take him down!” commanded Spank. The battle raged on. Shadow fissures scarred the floor beneath them. Frost bolts screamed through the air, hitting raid member after raid member. But the lines held. IhasApwner was on the path to victory.

The lights flicked on. “TIMOTHY! JESUS CHRIST ITS 4:30 IN THE MORNING! ARE YOU PLAYING THAT GAME!?”


“Pwnm...Is pwninm hmmmmmmmmm, leet gearrrr. Needs itrrrrrrmmmmyyeeaesss,” Timothy gurgled through his half-open mouth. Drool tracks and potato chip crumbs were caked to his chin. His bloodshot eyes sat lifeless behind his greasy face. In all of his glory he was wearing just briefs and one sock. He may have soiled himself.



“Oh my god. This needs to stop. Timothy?! Tim?! Hello?!”…..

“25% health left boys! Keep up the DPS! Nice heals!” cheered Spank. He could feel the cold retreating from Naxxramus and the warmth of Light returning. Nothing could stop them. The Lich necromancer had seen his last day—Kel-Thuzad was simply outmatched.  SpankadinL33t, guild master of IhasApwner, champion of the Horde, blood knight of the Sin’Dorei, was one step away from victory when all of a sudden…darkness.